Almost every family that hires home help starts with a clear list of what the aide will do. Then a relative asks for one small favor. The aide drops a package at the post office, then a sibling asks for a stop at the hardware store, then a grandchild's school form needs to be mailed on the way out. Each request is reasonable. Together they can quietly take up the hours that were meant for your parent.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
How the drift starts
Drift rarely shows up as a decision. It begins with a favor asked during a visit, when the aide is already there and the family member is in a hurry. The aide, wanting to be helpful, says yes. The next week the favor is expected, and by the time it has repeated for a while it is part of a schedule nobody wrote down. The changes are small enough that no single week looks wrong, which is why they go unnoticed.
Read the visit notes for the shift
Compare what the notes record now with what the plan promised. Look for entries about errands run for people other than your parent, drives to places that are not part of your parent's day, and visits that start late because the aide was doing something first. Look also for a shrinking record of your parent's own time: meals eaten together, outings your parent chose, company given and received. If the notes fill with other people's tasks while your parent's time thins, the drift is real even when every entry is accurate.
Ask your parent, privately and plainly
Ask your parent what the aide's visit felt like in a normal stretch, what they looked forward to, and what they simply waited through. A parent who says the visit was mostly about running around for someone else is giving you a clear signal. Do not frame the question as a complaint about the aide. Ask what a good visit looks like to them, then compare that answer with what the notes show.
Draw the line in writing
Once you have seen the drift, the fix is a clear, shared rule. Agree in writing on which errands belong to the visit and which belong to a family member, a neighbor, or a separate trip. Tell every family member who might ask for favors that the visit belongs to your parent and that any extra request goes through you. Ask the agency how it will record and approve changes to the plan, so an extra task cannot become part of the schedule by habit. The guide on what to ask before you hire lists the wording to bring to that conversation.
Protect the aide too
An aide who is repeatedly asked to do more than the plan says can run short of visit time, or feel caught between a family member and the agency. Treat the aide as part of the plan. Thank them for the work, state the family's rule plainly, and let them know they can decline extra requests and send the question back to you. When the family and the aide both know where the line sits, the visit goes back to what your parent needs.